10 Solid Reasons Why Men are So Complex

August 15, 2019 by  
Filed under Blog

Here we are with just under 3 months to go till our next healing retreat offering for men.  This retreat continues to be a staple of TKM, Inc. programs for men and one which is always difficult to recruit for.  Why is it so difficult?  The simple answer is because men are complex.  Okay, so why are men so complex?

If I had that answer to this question I would probably not be blogging for this program right now.  Here are 10 probable reasons why men are so complicated in my humble opinion.  Given that I am one, I have some anecdotal expertise here:

1.) Men compartmentalize their lives. Whether it be family life, spiritual life, work life or social life, men have a box for everything.  Unless he wants to open that box, he likely isn’t going to be convinced to do so unless it is coming from his own prompting.

2.) Men are easily distracted.  Men often find reasons to avoid that which is most difficult or something which they are dreading doing.  Whether it be his wife nagging him to do some repair work or upgrades to the house or confront his past, men will easily find things to distract them from what they should really be focusing.  Sorry to any dear wives reading this now.

3.) Men, generally speaking, don’t want to change or transform their lives.  To tell a man that a retreat is going to change or transform his life might not be as appealing to him as one would think.  Look, he has worked hard to create his own mess and, frankly, he has gotten used to doing things his way.  While, he may recognize that he needs to change one day, the prospects of such happening are not top on his priority list.  That is of course, until he loses that which he loves like a spouse, children or job.

4.) Men don’t want to admit that they are wounded, traumatized or abused.  Men hate those words!  Why?  They are words of weakness for them.  Christ was wounded for our transgressions.  Christ was traumatized like no other human before or after him.  Christ experienced the worst kind of physical, emotional, verbal and spiritual abuse at the hands of the Sanhedrin and the Roman soldiers.  Yet, men don’t want to be like Christ in those ways.  They might say, “give me the Good Samaritan or Good Shepherd kind of Jesus” or “the Jesus that walks on water” versus the suffering servant.  Unfortunately, the appeal of healing in the areas where men are most wounded is really non-existent among most men today.  

5.)  Men define themselves by what they do.  Going to a healing retreat is not something he wants others to know he would be doing.  He might say I am going on a camping trip or I am taking some vacation time in the Pinelands of NJ.  But to boast or share anything with another man about his decision to attend a healing retreat would be extremely out of his comfort zone.  So it would be best to avoid it altogether.  Hence, “I am not ready” or “Is there another date as that weekend is no good for me”….and the blow off lines will continue.

6.) Getting healed eliminates excuses.  I am not saying most men go to this place as it might require some quiet reflection to get to such (see point #7), but in truth, if a man is healed, he has to move forward with his life, his relationships and his journey of faith.  A wounded and unhealed man harbors resentments.  An unhealed man can continue to make excuses for his bad behavior.  Let’s face it, getting healed means change! Quite often it means change for the better, but it is very hard work that lies ahead of that man.

7.) Men don’t reflect enough on why they are struggling.  Men rarely take the time to do the “heavy lifting” as my dear friend Tim likes to say.  Men need quiet time for serious contemplation and reflection.  This is not something men do very naturally, especially one who is a busy professional or family man.  He is constantly running from appointment to appointment.  He has obligations and expectations from many people, clients and future relationship prospects.  Taking time to connect the dots of one’s life requires the solitude and slowness of time.  He needs to shut things down long enough to think, which is his biggest problem (see point #8).

8.) Men don’t want to think and turn off the noise.  What is the first thing that a man does when he gets in his car?  He turns on the radio or likely it is already on as he forgot to turn it off when he last drove.  Shutting down the noise to hear something other than sports talk radio, bad news or music is not something men are used to doing, but it is so necessary if a man’s brain is going to do some serious thinking.  If he cannot bring himself to  turn off his radio or television, how is he ever going come to a retreat which requires much time to think and process?  Truth is, he would rather continue to live in a noise ridden world that allows him to not do any qualitative thinking.

9.) Men actually believe they are doing okay.  They have found relative happiness in the existence they have created for themselves.  Deep down. they like their sins.   Their bad habits, hang ups and problems are the life they know.   In truth, these men are not living at all.  Men don’t know how to live.  They have developed a warped sense of what life is supposed to be.  It is wrapped up in a variety of self-medications such as constant escape planning or vacations, travel with 5 star accommodations, daily alcohol, sex or some other drug of choice just to cope with their reality and a plethora of projections onto those who don’t espouse the same world view as they.

10.) Finally, men are complex because and get ready for it, deep down, men are just simply soft and lazy.  First, men are soft.  The hot shower of life has made him weak when it comes to facing hard truths about himself and the choices he has made. Healing retreats are not soft, but hard.  A healing retreat is a difficult prospect for any man, but so rewarding.  Men are really lazy.  Men want the easy path if they can find it.  They seek easy ways to get to the same result.  But the truth is, the easy path does not exist when it comes to healing.  The path is rocky and bumpy.  In short, it is the way of the cross.  It is painful, yet offers the greatest hope, and good that a man can find.

Okay, now that I said all that, who is signing up for the next Samson Retreat?….[Crickets sound]…

In Christ’s healing love,

Mark Houck


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